Florida GM Club

JonintheRedZ28

So, I was writing my zombie novel Thursday night/Friday morning at 2:45 in the morning and was hit with a sudden urge to clean my room. The following is the story behind my fight.
If you've seen my room inside the past five years, this might shock you, because my room is the Portal to Hell, and Cthulu had taken residence in my closet, claiming it as his domain. I was mostly fine with this since he didn't eat me, but now I've gotten to thinking I couldn't bring a girl in a mile radius of the room for fear he might mistake her for a sacrifice and try to eat her.


Cthulu in my closet.

And I'm not entirely certain that I have enough 12 gauge slugs and buckshot to fight him off, though I do have some .300 Weatherby that might do the job, and 3.5" 00 buckshot, but my 870 only has a 3" chamber, so that's moot, and my rifle is .30-30, not .300 Weatherby, so that's also moot. And I've only got two rounds of .30-30, and I don't think I could manage to take Cthulu in arm wrestling or something.


Seriously, Cthulu's pretty big.

So I had to do things the old fashioned way: Jedi magic.


Google says this is Jedi magic.

It started out much as you'd expect, with me yelling at Cthulu to leave and him growling back in...er...Cthulu-an? And naturally, I didn't take his answer to be friendly (and I wouldn't have even if he was offering me cookies) and responded thusly, in true Scottish highlander fashion: by painting my face and screaming a war cry. After doing so, I then realized I was getting my Jedi crossed with Braveheart, and changed gears, politely asking Cthulu to vacate the premises. He did not. So I used more Jedi magic...


Google also says this is Jedi magic. I concur.

...and threw the Brick of Justice at his head. The Brick flew straight and true, and smacked Cthulu in the forehead.


BRICK OF JUSTICE, GO!

Which only angered the beast. Brick decided to do the logical thing and go all gun on us and open fire.


Brick of Justice, GUN mode.

Which, naturally, just angered Cthulu even more, so I used more Jedi magic and threw the Rancor that had died of exposure in the Northern Wasteland of my room and Cthulu ate it and was pleased. At that point, I realized that I could clean the room while he was distracted, and I took out the trash, all seven bags (holy crap I'm a pig.)


Me in my off time.

So I cleaned that out, and Cthulu was displeased, and went off in search of someone who would remain a slob so he could eat the Rancors that gather in their Northern Wasteland corners. Then I took all of my clothing out of the room and made a knee-high pile that completely blocked the hallway and then I kicked it into the living room and sorted them, and by now it was about 1300 hours, or 1 PM. And I passed out, exhausted from my ordeal with Cthulu.


I may or may not have been socked by a feisty, deformed pepper.

I woke up when my sister got home and finished sorting and then folding my clothing before heading back into my room, looking at the closet, wondering if I should remove the broken doors and clean it out, and I decide no. I'm fine with the mess in the closet. As long as Cthulu doesn't come back for it. Although parts of it are spilling out, I can see the box I had to ship my XBOX360 in when it Micro-shafted me with the Red Ring of Death, the box for my Remington 870 pump shotgun, and the box for Tom's Benelli Nova shotgun, which happens to be leaning out of the closet as if saying "ello guv'na." Except, you know, in Italian, since Benelli is an Italian company. So anyway, I then decided I'd had enough for now with the room 70% clean, which is a 6 billion percent improvement. Also, I beat Cthulu, don't I get a medal or something?



I'm pretty sure I could get a medal for being turned into a Wookiee.

__________________

|Jon - JonintheRedZ28|1998 Chevy Camaro 5.7l LS1|FLGM Moderator|

DOWNSOUTH407

Wow, you do realize that there is porn on the internet for when you get this board.

b_massey02

That's hilarious! Nicely written John!

__________________
01 Black GT
http://www.cardomain.com/ride/2547730
www.fquick.com/b_massey02